Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Vocation v. job

This has been a battle for me lately, especially the last month. I do not want to work full time just to get a paycheck. I'm not in a situation that necessitates that and I don't want to just stay busy. However, I do not like having a month off to do "nothing" like I had the last couple weeks. Of course I found projects to stay busy but I didn't find all of them very meaningful.

I want to go where God is leading me - but I don't know where that is. Maybe he has his version of neon signs but I am not seeing them. I don't feel called to keep subbing and I don't know if I am really helping those kids. I felt called away from my pro-life group and toward a pregnancy center, but I'm not sure how I fit in there if at all. I'm left with NFP teaching and being a wife. I love those vocations and tasks, but they are not enough on their own to fill my days in a meaningful way.

I've gone so far as to offer my services as a nanny, but most of those jobs don't really fit and many (it seems) don't want someone who needs to get home in the evenings to her family. That leaves me with many half thought out dreams of being an organizer, stager or administrative assistant. Any time I ponder/pray about those jobs (which I have done in the past for each and some currently), I don't get the sense that I should dig deeper into those possibilities. So what is left? At the moment, I can't think of anything and I don't know where that leaves me in the job or the vocation area. I know my first vocation is that of wife, but what are some of my secondary vocations? I'm getting very scatter-brained lately with no direction other than that.

Maybe I need to perfect the wife vocation ("I agree," says my husband the chef) before adding another, and maybe I am just missing all the signs leading me in the right direction. Any helpful advice for how to discern something like this?

My husband has recommended that I read about St. Ignatius. I will let you know what I discover.


  1. I have no advice, but I am with you on wishing discernment was easier! Today's Gospel really spoke to me - essentially the old "To whom much is given, much is expected." It's like I'm ready to strive to meet the Lord's expectations, but it's hard when you don't know what they are!

  2. I'm glad someone sharing in my wondering at least :-)