Summer is a weird time for me. I'm not really working and I have to think about how next year will go - continue subbing or do something else? I feel like I am lost in limbo with no direction and that is annoying if nothing else. While I'm in this limbo-ish time, I have been going to daily mass most days. Yesterday I managed to get there somewhat early and I had an ah ha! moment. My spiritual director talks a lot about finding the similarities of my life compared to Mary. What better reflection (for this summer or longer) is there than Mary's response to the Annunciation. And isn't it a bit amazing when I opened the book of readings, I opened exactly to that page even though the feast is in December.
She said some along the lines of I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done unto me according to your Word. Shouldn't we all be saying that? What better act/response of obedience could there be. Yes Lord, I know I'm not doing exactly what I had hoped for but I want my life to happen according to Your will, not mine. Wow - that is giving up a lot of control. Maybe I won't succeed at completely giving up control (or at least the idea of control) but I can remind myself of the humble attitude Mary modeled when faced with a much harsher reality than I have ever known in my life. And maybe I will worry and think about uncontrollable variables less since I am trying to center my being on God's will - He is more than able to take care of everything I need to carry out that will. What a freeing thought!